Day 197...........emotional angst.
3 Girls and 4 Suitcases.
It was written in a friendly, 'please don't take this personally' style and it literally felt like she had stuck a knife in my gut. I'm pretty certain that she didn't mean me to feel that response and that it was due to my own insecurities but I did giggle, later in the day when (after reading it) Ali exclaimed 'What a B*tch'.
The thing is, I don't even know the person and so I can't judge whether she is or she isn't but I am pretty certain that my interpretation of the message was done in between the words and totally due to the fact that I felt betrayed.
I made up a story in my head about what was really being said.
I had openned myself up and risked sharing posts that I felt would help others, only to be advised to do so less often and only with the most valuable stuff.
If I didn't think it was ALL valuable, I wouldn't have shared it in the first place.
Groan-I feel a rant coming on which I suppose is better than the hurt tears of yesterday-lol.
Anyways, It was a great lesson, to be reminded how I can still be knocked down by the opinions of others when they don't match up to my own. On a day like yesterday, all my old programming, on how worthless and unimportant I am, came rushing back to fill my entire being and it was quite a jolt.
I share info' like this, with you, not to have you feel sorry for me or ask you to boost my self-esteem. I share it so that I can also share the fact that our emotions are our emotions and, on any given day, we react how we react. We are responsible for those reactions and I constantly work towards responding rather than reacting to what comes into my life.
Yesterday I failed and I have yet to respond to the message.I am hopeful that I can do so with acceptance and love.
There were silver-linings to the situation, though:
1. I got a text with a hug from Andrew, asking if everything was okay (after he read my status) which was followed by a very big bear hug when I saw him later in the day.
2. I wrote a full page about how I was feeling, to help me process my emotions.
I don't know where I shall put the writing but it may appear somewhere at some point.
What else?
Jen baked brownies-yum. The house was filled with a lovely aroma.
I did my usual weekend laundry and then decided to see what I could build with pizza boxes-tee hee. Alison doesn't iike the shelf unit I built in her room so it will be dismantled today. We did have a good laugh about it so my time was not wasted.
I went into radio-silence at 1pm, as did Jen, to stop us from hearing the rugby score. Poor Jen was unfortunately given the result from her Uncle Ali despite having just told her cousins that she was avoidng the score. Bummer. We had to wait till 7pm our time to watch the game.
Ah, the Scotland Game. Andrew and his Friends Liam and Jess came over to watch Scotland V England and it was a really nice evening with the young people. (They brought Pizza) It did cross my mind that it didn't seem that long ago since I was their age, watching the rugby internationals at Murrayfield. I used to love the 'after-games' as much as the games themselves.
Shame that we lost but we did better than I think most punters predicted.
The kids headed homeward at the back of ten and the girls and I watched some shows before bed.
So, apart from my shaky start to the day, Saturday was a great day Folks.
Oh, the photos are from a river we cross when we go to get our Pizza. Fascinating to see the ice breaking up.
Lxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment